Why did you want a natural birth?
Growing up, I was sure I would have my babies in a hospital and probably have an epidural. I changed my mind in college when a friend invited me over the night her third baby was born at her home. She was sitting up in bed, cross-legged, with the baby lying beside her, visiting with us, and ordering pizza on the phone. It was completely different than when my younger brother was born or what I’d seen on movies or TV. I have never enjoyed being in hospitals, and I really didn’t want to have to have my baby in a hospital. I also wanted to be able to plan and participate in making the decisions in my own pregnancy and birth, and I heard more and more stories about that control being less available in hospital settings. I certainly wanted the best and safest birth option for my baby and myself, and that desire combined with my dislike of the hospital environment pushed me to explore natural and out-of-hospital options.
What did I learn from the experience?
I like to make educated decisions, so my first learning came from the research I did before getting pregnant. I learned that with a normal pregnancy and birth, the hospital isn’t always the safest place to have a baby. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to stick with my plan of a natural birth if other options were available, which was one of the reasons I decided to give birth at the Madison Birth Center. As it turned out, I really don’t think I would have requested pain medication even if it had been available. The feelings of giving birth weren’t something that seemed possible to dim with drugs. I also learned that I am stronger and better able to cope with pain than I ever expected myself to be. Giving birth to Emily was definitely harder than I thought it would be, but even during the experience, I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
What did it do for my baby?
Emily is a very secure baby, and I think that feeling of security started with her birth. I remember when the midwives listened to her heart during her birth and it just kept thunk, thunk, thunking right along. They said she was loving the experience. She and I have been very close since her birth. We had a challenging first 3 weeks or so, when we were having a hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding, but it got better, and we have just gotten closer and closer. I also remember just after her birth, when I was getting stitches, every time I flinched, she started to cry. We are still very in-tune with each other. I love being with Emily, and I am convinced she loves being with me. I see evidence of her security in her ability to adapt to new experiences and socialize with new people.
How has it changed me?
I don’t view birth stories as a competition for who had the most painful/difficult/long experience anymore. Giving birth was hard. Starting to breastfeed was hard. Raising a baby is hard. It has all been so abundantly worth everything. I love being Emily’s mom.
My Family?
During the first two weeks after Emily’s birth, my husband continuously told me I was amazing and wonderful. He still thinks I’m a lot tougher than he did before, I think. Sharing Emily’s birth with him brought us both closer. He has fallen in love with Emily. He grew up with all brothers and wasn’t sure what he’d do with a daughter. He loves being Emily’s Daddy. My mom said that seeing me after Emily was born made her realize that I am even more determined and have more “grit” than she thought. It has definitely been a learning and growing experience for all of us.
My Perspective?
I would definitely go about Emily’s birth the same way. I have more compassion for people who have a hard time breastfeeding. I expected giving birth naturally would be hard, but breastfeeding books make nursing sound easy and blame any problems on the mom and “poor technique.” Breastfeeding was harder than I ever expected for the first six weeks. I am so glad that I stuck with it now, and it is handy and easy like the books said (now), but it wasn’t at first, and I would never marginalize the difficulty and pain that new moms can have with it. I thought I would feel scared and vulnerable during Emily’s birth, but it was not at all a scary experience. I would encourage any expectant mom to at least consider a natural birth. It’s hard, but it’s wonderful.
